マンションに住むなら高い階が人気ですよね?
あなたにとっての王道とはなんでしょう。考えたことはありますか?
今回紹介するのは、北大阪急行電鉄 北大阪急行 千里中央駅の
グリーンヒル箕面C棟というマンション。
千里中央駅徒歩 分という立地。
駅徒歩 分はまさに駅近物件といえる。
このマンションは昭和64年4月に完成。構造は鉄骨造となっている。

最寄駅 : 北大阪急行電鉄 北大阪急行 千里中央駅 (徒 歩 分)
住 所 : 箕面市稲6丁目
間 取 : 2DK
面 積 : 51.89m2
向 き : 南
築 年 : 昭和64年4月
構 造 : 鉄骨造 2 階建
総戸数 : 4 戸
向 き : 南
保証金 : 600,000円
敷 引 : 350,000円
家 賃 : 65,000円
共益費 : 2,000
駐車料 : 12,360円

設備
ベランダ ・ 給湯
箕面市稲6丁目 付近の地図
自然っていいなって思うには、マンション 千里中央住んでみて実感するんです。
今日はがんばりました。マンション 千里中央明日もがんばりましょう。
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're mana…
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficul…
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
If you are going through hell, keep going.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous …
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
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I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in mor…
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwit…
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this be…
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn…
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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